Dateline, July 9th, 2022

Well that’s something you don’t see every day. I could have said that about nearly everything I saw this Saturday afternoon. The day started innocently enough. My mind had finally adjusted to the nine-hour time difference. I woke up, made a small breakfast, practiced my Czech, and set out to see some new surroundings.

My first stop was the Globe Bookstore. Situated in Prague’s Nové Město midway between the Vltava River and Charles Square, the Globe has a nice selection of English language books in the front of the store and a nice restaurant in the back. The whole setting makes for a lovely combination. I purchased a children’s book of Czech fairy tales, then headed out to the courtyard where I ordered a Hemingway Mojito along with fresh fruit and avocado toast. One thing I was not accustomed to was the fact that the waitstaff in Czechia doesn’t hustle you out of the restaurant to open up the table for the next customer. They have enough tables and chairs for everybody, and everybody at the Globe can read at their own pace and leave when they please.

One common theme in the fairy tales I read was that in which a Bohemian protagonist heads westward to the sea in search of salvation. So I did the same, I headed west, (well, north by northwest to be precise) to the Charles River bridge. It was mid-day on a Saturday during peak tourist season, and it was so crowded I didn’t bother taking any photos. I just huddled along over the bridge, promising myself that I would return under more suitable circumstances.

However, once I crossed the bridge into Malá Strana, something very unusual caught my eye. A groom-to-be and his bachelor buds were celebrating in the oddest way possible–by posing for selfies with a massive snake! I stopped in my tracks out of sheer survival — like Indiana Jones, I’m terrified of snakes. Absolutely terrified of them. It took me a few seconds to determine that this snake was a) real and also b) not poisonous and therefor probably harmless. I snapped one quick photo for posterity, and as I did so, the groom saw me and smiled. “Hey,” he asked. “Would you like to get your picture taken with the snake?”

“Nope,” I said with a smile. “I’m terrified of snakes. Congratulations on the wedding.

I thought that would be the strangest thing I saw all day, but alas, I was mistaken. As I walked through the streets of Malá Strana, I stumbled upon a rather interesting statue designed by David Černý. “Interesting” might be redundant when paired with Czech artist Černý, because pretty much everything this guy does is pretty provocative. “Piss,” the title of exhibition, is no exception. Unveiled in 2004, Prague passersby can can get a good glimpse of two adult males urinating onto the Czech Republic. You can even rotate the pelvis’s (pelvi?) of the statues. Why? Why not, I guess.

I got a good glimpse of the statues, took my turn rotating them to control their urine stream, and thought to myself, “well, this will be the strangest thing I see all day.” Searching for peace and calm, I walked to a riverbank and sat under a shade tree to take umbrage from the oppressive summer heat. A little girl was giving bread to pigeons, couples sat in the summer sun, and I thought, finally, just a normal place to relax.

Just when I thought it was safe to sit near the water, a large river rat slithered to the service. “Oh my god!” I said to myself quietly. “That’s the largest river rat I’ve ever seen.”

Well, apparently, some of fellow Vltava River relaxers had seen this particular rodent many times. A young couple approached the water’s edge, and the rat, a more specifically, a nutria, emerged from the water. The man extended his hand, offering some food to the river rodent, and the nutria got up on his hind legs.

I could not believe these people were feeding a wild animal, but alas, the creature opened its mouth, revealing its sharp, orange teeth, and feasted on whatever tasty treats this couple was offering him. My jaw dropped. I snapped some quick photos, then searched “Vltava River Rat” to try and figure out what strange animal it was that I had just seen.

However, as I did so, rain clouds started to form, and rain started to fall. I realized I had been walking for hours, and I was starting to get hungry. I headed for the nearest tram back to my flat in Holešovice, ready to process all the strange things I had just seen, and ready for to rest up for my next adventure into the city of a thousand spires.

Tomorrow is a new day . . .